They're Coming For You...Someone...Is...Soon!

Behold, furious Alex Jones. You know why he's so worked up? He does this for you('re money)! Oh my, even the radio talk guy wearing a UFC hat is clearly frightened by Alex.

If we didn't have Alex Jones, we wouldn't know about the rigged explosions on 9/11 and the ultra-scary bankers and suchnot. Well, he's now warning us about the recently passed energy bill (won House 219-212) and how it is going to force all of us, and our children, to eat shoes (for money). We will also be forced to use fancy lightbulbs and fill our gas tanks with real live babies. It's all part of the definitely true and bad one-world government that has been in the making ever since the '50s. It's gonna happen! They're just waiting for China, North Korea, Iran, Russia, Germany, Australia, most African nations, India, and Sri Lanka to get on board. It will come about, thus saith David Icke. Seriously, read that. You'd be astonished to find out the level of batshit crazy that people will latch onto.

Yes, in case you've been under a rock, or you have a life, we are being ruled by lizard people and Jews. And they control EVERYTHING! When it rains, they want a flood. When it doesn't rain, they want a drought. They even control all of the United States House of Representatives, or at least 219 of them.

The House passed a rough draft version of what amounts to a complete overhaul of the Clean Air Act. It represents a huge step forward in curbing the effects of carbon dioxide. The chief cause of the legislation, and the most controversial, is the cap-and-trade efforts that will allow the federal government to regulate corporations that emit carbon and to sell them permits to do so. Furthermore, the Obama administration's recent increases in fuel economy standards for automakers and the push for "green" jobs in the stimulus plan has President Obama heralding what could be an economic boon in the wake of an infrastructure makeover. Not to mention a reduction of dependence on foreign oil.

Good thing ol' Alex Jones is all over this. We all know that global warming is a hoax because it (choose - snowed/was 100 degrees) in your town last (choose - (April/September). Science! Turns out the global warming thing is a plan to implement hideous and vile things. True story. Apparently, this whole environment bill is just one of many in a long line of secret ploys to make us all work for the government. Who wants a job for the government, anyways? Am I right? They want our guns. And our jobs. Time, too. Also, our anuses, to rape us.

[Boston Globe]

1958-2009

Michael Jackson performing "Billie Jean" on Motown 25, which aired in 1983.

These five minutes sent Jackson into a stratosphere of fame and legend that few artists attain. His personal life aside, Michael Jackson will always be one of the most electrifying performers we've ever witnessed.

Sanford and Slag

As if e-mailing your mistress isn't tacky enough (aren't you supposed to send doves or something?), Governor Sanford didn't eve have the decency to have one of his staffers proofread his steamy correspondences. As a grammar geek, I couldn't help but cringe upon reading Sanford's handful of typos and faulty narratives.

For example, in the first letter Sanford begins the third paragraph with "Three and finally" but then proceeds to begin his fourth paragraph with "Lastly"! Fuck's sake, Gov!

Anyways, here are a couple more editorial notes:

1. "lightening" -- should be "lightning".
2. "never certainly never" -- you can only have one "never"
3. "world wind" -- I have no idea what that is

In the second paragraph he mentions "mutual feelings" only to fill the page with personal opinions about how hot this dame is. What exactly are the mutual feelings, Gov? Also, that second paragraph in and of itself is the be all and end all of Republican-style dumpster creep. Take a look at this poetic gem...

I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details ...

Alright, that was pretty hot. Kudos, Gov.

Do You Believe In Miracles...

...on grass?

Yes!

It's now well into the night and I'm pretty certain that everyone who wanted to see the game has seen it. I'm still shocked we pulled this one off. We didn't deserve to be in the game, at least that was what most "experts" said. Well, we deserve to be in the Confederations Cup Final. That is for sure.

The game turned in by Tim Howard was beyond stunning. Heck, the entire team had flashes of both shimmering brilliance and blind luck. That's what you need to beat a top-ranked team like Spain. So much for the Spaniards, their 35-game unbeaten streak, and their 15-game win streak.

The United States pushed forward virtually non-stop, held off a relentless late charge from Spain, and punched a ticket to the finals. I've never seen a team, in any sport, play with so much heart and determination.

Clint Dempsey tells the story...



[Guardian]

That Hockey Team Finally Has A Name

Are you sitting down?

Missouri Mavericks.

Here's their logo, in all of its hideousness:



I'm trying to be excited about this, but if it's anything like the Brigade, T-Bones or any other minor league team that's come through the metro, the amount of fun taken from going to a game is inversely related to the amount of time the team has been here. I give the Mavs about a year before it turns into Slap Shot: Part Trois.

[Examiner]